The Gods see fit every year, to haul us out of the Hall of Plenty for some training, ego massaging and a Cosmetics based treat. Ours is always fun, if not slightly hypnotic and there is, as ever, something to be learnt.
This year it was Approachability. We are in a recession , so being approachable has never been more important.
After lots of interesting fun and games, some news and a good lunch, we all returned to the Hall of Plenty fired up with brand enthusiasm and determined to be approachable.
Yes, determination combined with approachability.
'She who must be obeyed', led her troops in a soul destroying series of events, that left us an empty desert island amongst the sea of customers in the Hall of Plenty
Popping up enthusiastically and offering a deaf old lady a tissue, is actually guaranteed to make her scream with shock and be taken away with a suspected heart attack. Not endear her to you.
Creeping up to women browsing the makeup bar, like the Child Catcher in Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang with shinny lip gloss in hand , only makes them flee else where.
Saying you admire someones coat, jewellery or outfit, makes them suspicious and then leave slowly, so you won't just randomly talk to them as they go.
And when a regular customer says,
'Okay, you lot can stop smiling now, its actually very disturbing.'
One can only assume our natural, slightly grumpy, irreverant humoured approach is the way to go.
Let them try to rebrand that!
Friday, 4 June 2010
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Lamb Chops.
Ah, Mutton Season.
The sun has emerged bringing with it that rarest of customers, Mutton and not just the desperate divorcee in her teenage daughters clothes. We are talking hard core, sinewy Mutton, the aged gold digger gone to seed.
Stick thin pensioner's that force new hips into skinny jeans, teetering carefully on expensive designer platforms, false nails clattering in delight at the Cruise wear Corals arrayed across the counters.Fluttering ancient blue lids at the almost dead Sugar Daddy, to obtain the latest trendy lipstick they smear haphazardly across augmented lips.
False breasts strain against delicate grey skin, like bowling balls in 10 denier tights, as they peruse the skincare, hoping that cellulite creams will support the flappy buttocks years of dedicated anorexia has left.
With carefully constructed hair, they totter from counter to counter catching up with the latest trends, veneers glinting in the store lights, manipulated snouts sniffing out the most extreme , most expensive items, dead Daddy can buy.
These women will grip on to youth harder than Ranulph Fiennes in crampons.
A secret pleasure for us is to bleat as they pass by, alerting our colleagues to whip out the most expensive or garish of items at the Fountain of Youth in the Hall of Plenty.
The sun has emerged bringing with it that rarest of customers, Mutton and not just the desperate divorcee in her teenage daughters clothes. We are talking hard core, sinewy Mutton, the aged gold digger gone to seed.
Stick thin pensioner's that force new hips into skinny jeans, teetering carefully on expensive designer platforms, false nails clattering in delight at the Cruise wear Corals arrayed across the counters.Fluttering ancient blue lids at the almost dead Sugar Daddy, to obtain the latest trendy lipstick they smear haphazardly across augmented lips.
False breasts strain against delicate grey skin, like bowling balls in 10 denier tights, as they peruse the skincare, hoping that cellulite creams will support the flappy buttocks years of dedicated anorexia has left.
With carefully constructed hair, they totter from counter to counter catching up with the latest trends, veneers glinting in the store lights, manipulated snouts sniffing out the most extreme , most expensive items, dead Daddy can buy.
These women will grip on to youth harder than Ranulph Fiennes in crampons.
A secret pleasure for us is to bleat as they pass by, alerting our colleagues to whip out the most expensive or garish of items at the Fountain of Youth in the Hall of Plenty.
Friday, 21 May 2010
Limited Edition.
Miss White has a message she would like the world to share.
The phrase Limited Edition, means just that.
Apparently, she does not have a spare 'whatever it is', under the counter, in a drawer or clutched between nylon clad buttocks just waiting for you.
Pulling out your bottom lip, batting your eyelashes or telling her, your wife will never forgive you, will not work because it is gone. No more.
Limited - restricted, confined, without scope; narrow.
Edition - form in which something is published.
Limited Edition, restricted amount of product.
It is not difficult, when it is gone, it is really gone. So having said that, why are we always hearing the same things?
'Oh , but I really liked it. It was a lovely , pinky, reddy orange and it really made my lips look nice. It was about three years ago. Are you sure you don't do it anymore?'
'I'm sorry, but you know that Limited Edition that was out this Christmas, have you still got any?'
'So does that mean you don't have anymore?'
'Are you sure you're not getting anymore in?'
'Oh, does that mean they will never, ever make it again?'
Yes it does. They will never, ever, ever make it again, nor do we have something that looks just like it, now go away stupid!
The phrase Limited Edition, means just that.
Apparently, she does not have a spare 'whatever it is', under the counter, in a drawer or clutched between nylon clad buttocks just waiting for you.
Pulling out your bottom lip, batting your eyelashes or telling her, your wife will never forgive you, will not work because it is gone. No more.
Limited - restricted, confined, without scope; narrow.
Edition - form in which something is published.
Limited Edition, restricted amount of product.
It is not difficult, when it is gone, it is really gone. So having said that, why are we always hearing the same things?
'Oh , but I really liked it. It was a lovely , pinky, reddy orange and it really made my lips look nice. It was about three years ago. Are you sure you don't do it anymore?'
'I'm sorry, but you know that Limited Edition that was out this Christmas, have you still got any?'
'So does that mean you don't have anymore?'
'Are you sure you're not getting anymore in?'
'Oh, does that mean they will never, ever make it again?'
Yes it does. They will never, ever, ever make it again, nor do we have something that looks just like it, now go away stupid!
Thursday, 20 May 2010
The Rottweiler.
Whilst discussing the last post, Miss Marple reminded us of 4 glorious weeks one Christmas, when we were blessed with the temporary presence of 'The Rottweiler.'
Just to prove that not everyone is suited to life in Retail, we shall take a trip down memory lane.
A few years ago, a Christmas temp came to work with us. A Solicitor in the making, she was pleasant company and a very efficient temp, willing to jump through all the hoops needed to work with the public, except when roused.
Without explaining every situation, as they are to complex and lengthy, here are some of her best quotes.
'Do I look like your f******g psychiatrist, I'm not here to chat. Buy something or go.'
'If you poke me again I will break your finger, madam.'
'Forget it , shall I do us both a favour and get the manager so you can complain about me and I can get you banned?'
'So, you used all the lipstick and then you brought it back because it didn't last long enough? Does this sound as stupid to you, as it did to me, when you said it?'
'Sorry you want to return that present, because? ........ Oh yeah you're ungrateful, no I get it! Fine.'
'What, you think I am intimidated because you can read my name badge, get out!'
'Please, you say please when you ask for something.'
Sadly, she was asked to leave when she told a customer in a fur coat it was disgusting. We remember her fondly and like to imagine her eating murder's and rapists for breakfast.
Just to prove that not everyone is suited to life in Retail, we shall take a trip down memory lane.
A few years ago, a Christmas temp came to work with us. A Solicitor in the making, she was pleasant company and a very efficient temp, willing to jump through all the hoops needed to work with the public, except when roused.
Without explaining every situation, as they are to complex and lengthy, here are some of her best quotes.
'Do I look like your f******g psychiatrist, I'm not here to chat. Buy something or go.'
'If you poke me again I will break your finger, madam.'
'Forget it , shall I do us both a favour and get the manager so you can complain about me and I can get you banned?'
'So, you used all the lipstick and then you brought it back because it didn't last long enough? Does this sound as stupid to you, as it did to me, when you said it?'
'Sorry you want to return that present, because? ........ Oh yeah you're ungrateful, no I get it! Fine.'
'What, you think I am intimidated because you can read my name badge, get out!'
'Please, you say please when you ask for something.'
Sadly, she was asked to leave when she told a customer in a fur coat it was disgusting. We remember her fondly and like to imagine her eating murder's and rapists for breakfast.
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Serious Thoughts.
It has always been my intention to write a blog that is a light hearted look at life on a Beauty Counter from the Consultants point of view, but with the very sad recent events in Manchester, the mood has turned sombre in the Hall of Plenty.
When not serving our customers, talk has turned to the subject of how vulnerable we in the service industry are. It is well documented that nurses, firemen, police are often attacked when performing their duty, however less well reported are the abuses upon those of us who pedal our wares to the public.
To many this is irrelevant, we are the face of big brands, not public servants dedicated to saving lives. Yet in the last 10 years alone, three shop workers have been murdered on the shop floor. In comparison to national statistics this is not a huge amount when you look at the numbers of people killed crossing the road, but for those of us that work in retail it is three too many.
Often unreported are the small attacks, the verbal, the physical and the mental. In 2010 we face a more and more the aggressive customer who feels it is their right to get what they want in spite of the consequences.
'She who must be Obeyed' experienced just that on Thursday night.
Whilst serving one customer, another arrived. Rather than wait till the first customer was finished the newcomer stomped to another counter and demanded someone serve her with our products. The unfortunate consultant explained that she was not familiar with our product but she would do her best. This was received with a volley of foul mouthed insults best suited to a touretts suffering, professional swear word creator for the Oxford English Dictionary.
'She who must be Obeyed' was lucky enough to have completed her sale and meet the pair heading back to our counter. After five minutes of abuse, the woman actually ordered what she wanted insisting she be served. She did not let up through out the entire time.
Approached by our valiant floor manager, the customer was informed that we did not have to serve her at all and that swearing was not the ideal way to receive first class service. Apparently the customer didn't care and left with her items in a cloud of abuse.
This is just one story amongst the hundreds we have to deal with day in day out and it is getting more frequent.
One theory is that consumer programmes give people a false sense of their own rights, not the ones where someone is clearly being ripped off or abused, but the ones that say, 'You can bargain over the price.'
Because you see, white goods do have a negotiable profit margin but mascara doesn't.
Another theory is that the 'Gimme more' type customer is not used to hearing , no.
On our counter, we have decided that some people are just rude.
However, until the industry itself recognises that it's representatives are not consumer punching bags to be undermined as soon as a customer shouts loud enough, I fear we will always be abused in some way.
When not serving our customers, talk has turned to the subject of how vulnerable we in the service industry are. It is well documented that nurses, firemen, police are often attacked when performing their duty, however less well reported are the abuses upon those of us who pedal our wares to the public.
To many this is irrelevant, we are the face of big brands, not public servants dedicated to saving lives. Yet in the last 10 years alone, three shop workers have been murdered on the shop floor. In comparison to national statistics this is not a huge amount when you look at the numbers of people killed crossing the road, but for those of us that work in retail it is three too many.
Often unreported are the small attacks, the verbal, the physical and the mental. In 2010 we face a more and more the aggressive customer who feels it is their right to get what they want in spite of the consequences.
'She who must be Obeyed' experienced just that on Thursday night.
Whilst serving one customer, another arrived. Rather than wait till the first customer was finished the newcomer stomped to another counter and demanded someone serve her with our products. The unfortunate consultant explained that she was not familiar with our product but she would do her best. This was received with a volley of foul mouthed insults best suited to a touretts suffering, professional swear word creator for the Oxford English Dictionary.
'She who must be Obeyed' was lucky enough to have completed her sale and meet the pair heading back to our counter. After five minutes of abuse, the woman actually ordered what she wanted insisting she be served. She did not let up through out the entire time.
Approached by our valiant floor manager, the customer was informed that we did not have to serve her at all and that swearing was not the ideal way to receive first class service. Apparently the customer didn't care and left with her items in a cloud of abuse.
This is just one story amongst the hundreds we have to deal with day in day out and it is getting more frequent.
One theory is that consumer programmes give people a false sense of their own rights, not the ones where someone is clearly being ripped off or abused, but the ones that say, 'You can bargain over the price.'
Because you see, white goods do have a negotiable profit margin but mascara doesn't.
Another theory is that the 'Gimme more' type customer is not used to hearing , no.
On our counter, we have decided that some people are just rude.
However, until the industry itself recognises that it's representatives are not consumer punching bags to be undermined as soon as a customer shouts loud enough, I fear we will always be abused in some way.
Friday, 14 May 2010
Fun and games at the Hall of Plenty.
Since the Scandal that rocked the Hall of Plenty, security have been almost demonic about, well, security.
So when one of them spotted some peculiar behaviour a couple of weeks ago, they began stalking people around our skincare.
Apparently there is a new scam in town. Walk up to a counter, refuse help by saying your just browsing and then scrape out the entire contents of a jar of moisturiser into your hand and walk away.
Like it is worth the hassle!
Anyway, yesterday after a lengthy sting operation that included several plain clothes security guards , who were putting customers off by lurking in an apparently 'casual manner.' There was nothing casual about it in our opinion. Mrs X arrives and is there a single security guard to be found? No!
So Miss Pankhurst takes matters into her own hands. Just as the entire contents of anti wrinkle cream is removed, Miss Pankhurst offers Mrs X a tissue.
I cannot truly describe everything that happened, but she decided to pursue the woman about the shop floor asking her loudly, if she would like to buy what she had in her hand. Offering to gift wrap it in the jar it came in and if she didn't then she could wipe her hands on these tissues.
It is a large Hall of Plenty and took quite awhile for Mrs X to get through it.
Miss Pankhurst was victorious. I don't think Mrs X will be coming back. We managed to get most of the cream out of Miss Pankhurst hair before she left and apparently there is some very good footage on the security cameras!
So when one of them spotted some peculiar behaviour a couple of weeks ago, they began stalking people around our skincare.
Apparently there is a new scam in town. Walk up to a counter, refuse help by saying your just browsing and then scrape out the entire contents of a jar of moisturiser into your hand and walk away.
Like it is worth the hassle!
Anyway, yesterday after a lengthy sting operation that included several plain clothes security guards , who were putting customers off by lurking in an apparently 'casual manner.' There was nothing casual about it in our opinion. Mrs X arrives and is there a single security guard to be found? No!
So Miss Pankhurst takes matters into her own hands. Just as the entire contents of anti wrinkle cream is removed, Miss Pankhurst offers Mrs X a tissue.
I cannot truly describe everything that happened, but she decided to pursue the woman about the shop floor asking her loudly, if she would like to buy what she had in her hand. Offering to gift wrap it in the jar it came in and if she didn't then she could wipe her hands on these tissues.
It is a large Hall of Plenty and took quite awhile for Mrs X to get through it.
Miss Pankhurst was victorious. I don't think Mrs X will be coming back. We managed to get most of the cream out of Miss Pankhurst hair before she left and apparently there is some very good footage on the security cameras!
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Take the mint!
The Overseer has finally appointed a new Guardian of the Shop Floor in the Hall of Plenty. With a grin like Gordon Brown he sailed through the counters introducing his new protegee. Poor thing, there is a sweep stake on how long it will take to get tears from her. I hope she holds out, I've got her at two months.
Meanwhile, we have been surprised again by just how revolting our customers can be.
Miss Pankhurst our politically aware consultant, was horrified to approach a customer browsing at the makeup only to be handed her false teeth in a plastic bag. The woman demanded Miss Pankhurst put them into her handbag for her because, she had been to the dentist and was too woozy to do it herself. How she managed to get across the main road into our store and what she was doing with a full set of teeth in her head already , nobody knows.
She Who Must be Obeyed declared it to be 'One of those days' and by lunch time she was right.
Countless people, despite the obvious 'none smell' of the actual bottle and the bloody obvious paper tester strips in front , are still stuffing the fragrance bottles up their noses.
Given the who -ha people make over hygiene, why do women still try on lipsticks straight from the counter? We might clean them, but if we offer you the opportunity to try it with a brush and a new one from out of the drawer, surely you would take it instead of saying 'no' then sticking it on anyway. You wouldn't go and lick a MRSA patients wounds, just because you can't see the last person who did that doesn't mean they did not have Herpes!
The lady who farted in a Carol Thatcher moment whilst discussing foundations with Miss Marple, need never come back either.
And take note , it is only polite to take the mint offered to you by the nice Make up lady, she has her reasons.
Meanwhile, we have been surprised again by just how revolting our customers can be.
Miss Pankhurst our politically aware consultant, was horrified to approach a customer browsing at the makeup only to be handed her false teeth in a plastic bag. The woman demanded Miss Pankhurst put them into her handbag for her because, she had been to the dentist and was too woozy to do it herself. How she managed to get across the main road into our store and what she was doing with a full set of teeth in her head already , nobody knows.
She Who Must be Obeyed declared it to be 'One of those days' and by lunch time she was right.
Countless people, despite the obvious 'none smell' of the actual bottle and the bloody obvious paper tester strips in front , are still stuffing the fragrance bottles up their noses.
Given the who -ha people make over hygiene, why do women still try on lipsticks straight from the counter? We might clean them, but if we offer you the opportunity to try it with a brush and a new one from out of the drawer, surely you would take it instead of saying 'no' then sticking it on anyway. You wouldn't go and lick a MRSA patients wounds, just because you can't see the last person who did that doesn't mean they did not have Herpes!
The lady who farted in a Carol Thatcher moment whilst discussing foundations with Miss Marple, need never come back either.
And take note , it is only polite to take the mint offered to you by the nice Make up lady, she has her reasons.
Monday, 10 May 2010
Why don't I look like her?
Yesterday somebody asked me an interesting question,
Why don't I look like her?
She was speaking of the model on one of our adverts. Now I don't know why she didn't genetics, location, colouring all of these could have been a factor, but then a woman browsing amongst our lipsticks said,
'Look, even she doesn't look like that in real life.'
And it's true, non of them really look that way.
Fact, lots of publicity pictures are done on their back so everything hangs the right way.
Another fact, inner beauty, bollocks! The models are chosen for their look and their ability to be a good canvas to present an image, image not reality.
Fact, it takes at least four people and a good couple of hours to do that.
Super Fact, I have seen prettier women walking down the street everyday.
Super duper fact, just because you photograph well doesn't mean you are bright, happy, really that thin.
We should stop comparing and start putting make up in it's place. It is there to make you look the best you, you can be. And if that means tangerine with fake eye lashes, fine. If it means simply using skin care and never, ever using any of that crap that Satan's Nylon Devils shove at you, fine! Let's not treat it as a crime not to be perfect, because the fact is non of us are and it is okay. We can enhance what we have, deal with what we don't like or cover it up and not worry.
To groom or not to groom, that is the question. whether it is nobler to grow out the armpit hair, or take up the epilator against the tide of the natural beauty and by grooming end it. To wax , to dye, to tan no more.....
Miss Pankhurst pointed out, Egypt would look a lot different if the Pharaohs were spotty, air brushing is not a modern phenomenon nor is idealism.
Why don't I look like her?
She was speaking of the model on one of our adverts. Now I don't know why she didn't genetics, location, colouring all of these could have been a factor, but then a woman browsing amongst our lipsticks said,
'Look, even she doesn't look like that in real life.'
And it's true, non of them really look that way.
Fact, lots of publicity pictures are done on their back so everything hangs the right way.
Another fact, inner beauty, bollocks! The models are chosen for their look and their ability to be a good canvas to present an image, image not reality.
Fact, it takes at least four people and a good couple of hours to do that.
Super Fact, I have seen prettier women walking down the street everyday.
Super duper fact, just because you photograph well doesn't mean you are bright, happy, really that thin.
We should stop comparing and start putting make up in it's place. It is there to make you look the best you, you can be. And if that means tangerine with fake eye lashes, fine. If it means simply using skin care and never, ever using any of that crap that Satan's Nylon Devils shove at you, fine! Let's not treat it as a crime not to be perfect, because the fact is non of us are and it is okay. We can enhance what we have, deal with what we don't like or cover it up and not worry.
To groom or not to groom, that is the question. whether it is nobler to grow out the armpit hair, or take up the epilator against the tide of the natural beauty and by grooming end it. To wax , to dye, to tan no more.....
Miss Pankhurst pointed out, Egypt would look a lot different if the Pharaohs were spotty, air brushing is not a modern phenomenon nor is idealism.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Rushing naked into a bears den!
Now, I don't know about you but I thought in 2010 we were grown up and sophisticated, savvy, astute humans who would avoid the arse-achingly obvious, stupid remark. But I was WRONG.
During a bout of extreme make up, one late April afternoon ( last week). Miss Marple approached a lovely woman at the fragrance bar. Assured that she could browse in peace, the woman explained she was waiting for her husband to arrive so she could buy her favourite fragrance. Miss Marple left her to browse away and we merrily carried on making up our ladies.
When the gentleman in question did arrive, he waved Miss Marple over and the following conversation was had,
Miss Marple, 'Ah hello sir, so what can we do for you?'
Sir, 'What can you do for me? What can you do with that.' He pointed, AT HIS WIFE!
Brushes clattered to the floor, women in all states of repair gasped and the poor lady blushed.
Never one to waste an opportunity, Miss Marple gave the situation some thought. This was highlighted by Miss White ducking behind the counter and removing the ribbon scissors from her reach.
Miss Marple replied, 'Well sir, there doesn't appear to be much we can do for that as she appears pretty perfect to me, but you on the other hand..... (women in their seats leaned forward) .... we can take you over there and bang your head repeatedly in a drawer until you don't say things like that again.'
Sir blushed. 'I'm sorry,'he mumbled to Miss Marple. She pointed to his wife.
(The woman on the other side of the make up table stood for a better look, despite having only one eyebrow penciled on.)
'I'm sorry,' he said to his hugely embarrassed wife.
Miss Marple, 'Right, so how much are you going to spend to make that up then?'
'Err I suppose I'd better get the big one.'
And he did.
Then next hour after they left, was one of unbridled feminism and our conclusion was, never in the history of the Hall of Plenty has any man, ever said anything as stupid as that. As Miss White astutely said, it was like covering yourself in honey and rushing naked in to a bears den.
During a bout of extreme make up, one late April afternoon ( last week). Miss Marple approached a lovely woman at the fragrance bar. Assured that she could browse in peace, the woman explained she was waiting for her husband to arrive so she could buy her favourite fragrance. Miss Marple left her to browse away and we merrily carried on making up our ladies.
When the gentleman in question did arrive, he waved Miss Marple over and the following conversation was had,
Miss Marple, 'Ah hello sir, so what can we do for you?'
Sir, 'What can you do for me? What can you do with that.' He pointed, AT HIS WIFE!
Brushes clattered to the floor, women in all states of repair gasped and the poor lady blushed.
Never one to waste an opportunity, Miss Marple gave the situation some thought. This was highlighted by Miss White ducking behind the counter and removing the ribbon scissors from her reach.
Miss Marple replied, 'Well sir, there doesn't appear to be much we can do for that as she appears pretty perfect to me, but you on the other hand..... (women in their seats leaned forward) .... we can take you over there and bang your head repeatedly in a drawer until you don't say things like that again.'
Sir blushed. 'I'm sorry,'he mumbled to Miss Marple. She pointed to his wife.
(The woman on the other side of the make up table stood for a better look, despite having only one eyebrow penciled on.)
'I'm sorry,' he said to his hugely embarrassed wife.
Miss Marple, 'Right, so how much are you going to spend to make that up then?'
'Err I suppose I'd better get the big one.'
And he did.
Then next hour after they left, was one of unbridled feminism and our conclusion was, never in the history of the Hall of Plenty has any man, ever said anything as stupid as that. As Miss White astutely said, it was like covering yourself in honey and rushing naked in to a bears den.
Monday, 26 April 2010
Deeply Unpleasant!
I love working on Sundays.The 'tiny hands' get a chance to bond with 'he who pays the mortgage'. We have dinner with my parents and the Sunday Crew in the Hall of Plenty are always relaxed. So when something deeply unpleasant happens, we all get a bit miffed.
Late afternoon and a couple turn up on a counter, not saying which, but it was not ours.They wish to return products bought from the company the counter represents, however they have no receipt, the products are not in the right boxes and whilst saying they were a present they insist they were from our particular Hall of Plenty.
It has happened to us all, but what made this so odious, yes ODIOUS was that in an effort to get what they wanted, they reduced a Cosmetics Consultant to tears. Bad move! Whilst more laid back on Sundays, we are no pushovers.
Unfortunately, the nasty little man who insisted he knew someone, who was someone high up, in something to do with our Hall of Plenty, got his knickers in a bit of a twist when confronted by several nylon clad consultants. Smiling and reassuring sir that,
'There was nothing anyone in this store could do without proof of purchase.'
It is amazing what customers will say.
'Do you know who I am?'
'I am a very good customer here,'
'I will complain to your superior.'
'It is in your stores bag.'
'Don't patronise me.'
'Of course you can do something for me, I know you can, there is a lot you can do for me to make up for this bad service.'
'I know I don't have a receipt but this was bought from your store and this counter, I know because it was a gift to us.'
So okay,
A) No we don't know who you are , but we do know you are shouting so you must be unsure of your story. Real and genuine returns are not accompanied by shouty, sweaty top lips.
B) If you were a good customer, we would know who you were. You would be that really nice man who buys loads of stuff and we would get a floor manager to ring you in the week, to talk to you about the particular company's returns policy.
C) Complain away , we will not get into trouble because we are doing what the 'Hall of Plenty' requires us to do, refusing to take a return without proof of purchase!
D) It could be lodged in the front bumper of the Overseers car and parked neatly in the front door, but if you don't have a receipt it is not coming back. Oh yes, the bag in question did not belong to our floor and the store hadn't used those since Christmas and it is APRIL.
E) Patronise - assume a air of superiority toward, condescend. - Simply explaining store policy and apologising is not patronising. Attempting to get your own way by saying you know someone high up in the company is.
F) If you know so much, then surely you know it is not bad service you are receiving but a no and you don't like it. Shouting is rude, saying I'm sorry but there is nothing we can do, isn't.
G) If it was a gift, how do you know where it was bought from and if you know somebody well enough to buy you two hundred pounds worth of cosmetics then surely you can ask for the gift receipt that is supplied with every gift that is gift wrapped from our store.
Dear Sir, we are aware of most of the tricks and scams out there . From buying stuff on E-bay, not being happy then trying to get the full price back from a retailer, to customers purchasing stuff, realising they have spent too much and taking it back. Once being the recipient of a return that was used then refilled with baby lotion, I can tell you NO means NO!
We have been screamed at, had stuff thrown at us. Watched customers flip out and blame us for not having the stock they wanted. Been poked, had people click their fingers at us for service. Tell us we are inadequate because we informed them that the product they were describing was made by another company and been threatened many times, by many customers that in our opinion need chemical help.
Yet, to reduce a grown Cosmetics Consultant to tears because you were not getting what you wanted was deeply unpleasant.
You sir and your overmade up, tangerine wife are DEEPLY UNPLEASANT.
Late afternoon and a couple turn up on a counter, not saying which, but it was not ours.They wish to return products bought from the company the counter represents, however they have no receipt, the products are not in the right boxes and whilst saying they were a present they insist they were from our particular Hall of Plenty.
It has happened to us all, but what made this so odious, yes ODIOUS was that in an effort to get what they wanted, they reduced a Cosmetics Consultant to tears. Bad move! Whilst more laid back on Sundays, we are no pushovers.
Unfortunately, the nasty little man who insisted he knew someone, who was someone high up, in something to do with our Hall of Plenty, got his knickers in a bit of a twist when confronted by several nylon clad consultants. Smiling and reassuring sir that,
'There was nothing anyone in this store could do without proof of purchase.'
It is amazing what customers will say.
'Do you know who I am?'
'I am a very good customer here,'
'I will complain to your superior.'
'It is in your stores bag.'
'Don't patronise me.'
'Of course you can do something for me, I know you can, there is a lot you can do for me to make up for this bad service.'
'I know I don't have a receipt but this was bought from your store and this counter, I know because it was a gift to us.'
So okay,
A) No we don't know who you are , but we do know you are shouting so you must be unsure of your story. Real and genuine returns are not accompanied by shouty, sweaty top lips.
B) If you were a good customer, we would know who you were. You would be that really nice man who buys loads of stuff and we would get a floor manager to ring you in the week, to talk to you about the particular company's returns policy.
C) Complain away , we will not get into trouble because we are doing what the 'Hall of Plenty' requires us to do, refusing to take a return without proof of purchase!
D) It could be lodged in the front bumper of the Overseers car and parked neatly in the front door, but if you don't have a receipt it is not coming back. Oh yes, the bag in question did not belong to our floor and the store hadn't used those since Christmas and it is APRIL.
E) Patronise - assume a air of superiority toward, condescend. - Simply explaining store policy and apologising is not patronising. Attempting to get your own way by saying you know someone high up in the company is.
F) If you know so much, then surely you know it is not bad service you are receiving but a no and you don't like it. Shouting is rude, saying I'm sorry but there is nothing we can do, isn't.
G) If it was a gift, how do you know where it was bought from and if you know somebody well enough to buy you two hundred pounds worth of cosmetics then surely you can ask for the gift receipt that is supplied with every gift that is gift wrapped from our store.
Dear Sir, we are aware of most of the tricks and scams out there . From buying stuff on E-bay, not being happy then trying to get the full price back from a retailer, to customers purchasing stuff, realising they have spent too much and taking it back. Once being the recipient of a return that was used then refilled with baby lotion, I can tell you NO means NO!
We have been screamed at, had stuff thrown at us. Watched customers flip out and blame us for not having the stock they wanted. Been poked, had people click their fingers at us for service. Tell us we are inadequate because we informed them that the product they were describing was made by another company and been threatened many times, by many customers that in our opinion need chemical help.
Yet, to reduce a grown Cosmetics Consultant to tears because you were not getting what you wanted was deeply unpleasant.
You sir and your overmade up, tangerine wife are DEEPLY UNPLEASANT.
Monday, 19 April 2010
My worst nightmare.
We all have likes and dislikes, some of us have phobias. Snakes, spiders, I know someone who even has a phobia of sliced tomatoes.
Mine sadly is Dwarfs.
I know, I am a horrid person. I wish I didn't but I do. For that reason I have never seen, read or touched The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings is safe from my prying eyes. I go out of my way not to infect my children with my phobia and am completely aware it is some bigoted ism' but I just can't help myself, I hate em. It is all I can do to stop my self bashing them with shoes.
Over the years my shame has spread across the Hall of Plenty much to the amusement of my colleagues I have endured the jokes and even one particular day when Miss Marple had stuck an entire collection of Trolls in the drawers.
They have however always made sure I do not embarrass myself or insult any of our smaller customers with great sympathy.
So imagine my confusion when I arrived back after lunch to the anxious faces of an entire shop floor. My two o'clock make over had arrived. And yes, she was.
Not small, TINY, hairy with a hump and a glass eye.
Under such circumstances it has long been my way to think of Saint Princess of Diana. If she can shake a stump, I can make over a dwarf. So with gritted teeth and a box of tissues on hand, I made her beautiful.
A very lovely person, with a lot to say. In her tiny high pitched voice.
After 45 minutes I had never been so drained. Leaving her to arrange her purchases with my colleagues, I made my way to the beauty rooms in the store. On finding an empty one I let rip to the full force of my emotions. Congratulating myself on how well I had done, I rearranged myself to exit the room, only to discover my little friend had followed me to thank me for being so nice.
Thank god for sound proofing.
The irony is not lost on me or this bottle of wine I am half way through!
Mine sadly is Dwarfs.
I know, I am a horrid person. I wish I didn't but I do. For that reason I have never seen, read or touched The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings is safe from my prying eyes. I go out of my way not to infect my children with my phobia and am completely aware it is some bigoted ism' but I just can't help myself, I hate em. It is all I can do to stop my self bashing them with shoes.
Over the years my shame has spread across the Hall of Plenty much to the amusement of my colleagues I have endured the jokes and even one particular day when Miss Marple had stuck an entire collection of Trolls in the drawers.
They have however always made sure I do not embarrass myself or insult any of our smaller customers with great sympathy.
So imagine my confusion when I arrived back after lunch to the anxious faces of an entire shop floor. My two o'clock make over had arrived. And yes, she was.
Not small, TINY, hairy with a hump and a glass eye.
Under such circumstances it has long been my way to think of Saint Princess of Diana. If she can shake a stump, I can make over a dwarf. So with gritted teeth and a box of tissues on hand, I made her beautiful.
A very lovely person, with a lot to say. In her tiny high pitched voice.
After 45 minutes I had never been so drained. Leaving her to arrange her purchases with my colleagues, I made my way to the beauty rooms in the store. On finding an empty one I let rip to the full force of my emotions. Congratulating myself on how well I had done, I rearranged myself to exit the room, only to discover my little friend had followed me to thank me for being so nice.
Thank god for sound proofing.
The irony is not lost on me or this bottle of wine I am half way through!
Saturday, 17 April 2010
Election Special.
It's happened, Politics has entered the Hall of Plenty. And I don't mean, who gets priority in the Stock Room, politics either. Actually, if you carry a lot of stock then you are pretty much guaranteed a good space in the hell that is the basement. So applying beauty counter logic to Downing Street, John Prescott would be Prime Minister for ever.
No, the paralysis in the skies was just too short a subject for Friday morning and I don't know who said it, but,
'David Cameron was a bit dehydrated, his fake tan looked patchy.'
The gloves were off!
Never mind the manifesto's, in the Hall of Plenty this election will be decided by skin tone, hydration, matification. Nice hands, good nail grooming, too much - to little make up. What lip colour the wives choose and hair.
You know, the strange thing is, we decided Nick Clegg had good skin and just look at the poles.
Check out Barack Obama if you don't believe. Great skin, perfectly hydrated but not too shiny. Great hands, well moisturised. Michelle, obviously immaculate.
The speculation over whether David Cameron will get more Um-pa Lumpa as they go on, is rife. And it is a fine tipping point, should Nick Clegg's wife disappoint it could all go horribly wrong. Just like a pink lipstick matched with a coral blusher. No!
Our resident Peter Snow, very in touch with her Pankhurst side thinks that as long as Dr. Who still has a ginger companion, then Gordon actually has a chance.
So be warned boys, this season it's all about B.B.C. Blend, Balance and Co-ordinate.
No, the paralysis in the skies was just too short a subject for Friday morning and I don't know who said it, but,
'David Cameron was a bit dehydrated, his fake tan looked patchy.'
The gloves were off!
Never mind the manifesto's, in the Hall of Plenty this election will be decided by skin tone, hydration, matification. Nice hands, good nail grooming, too much - to little make up. What lip colour the wives choose and hair.
You know, the strange thing is, we decided Nick Clegg had good skin and just look at the poles.
Check out Barack Obama if you don't believe. Great skin, perfectly hydrated but not too shiny. Great hands, well moisturised. Michelle, obviously immaculate.
The speculation over whether David Cameron will get more Um-pa Lumpa as they go on, is rife. And it is a fine tipping point, should Nick Clegg's wife disappoint it could all go horribly wrong. Just like a pink lipstick matched with a coral blusher. No!
Our resident Peter Snow, very in touch with her Pankhurst side thinks that as long as Dr. Who still has a ginger companion, then Gordon actually has a chance.
So be warned boys, this season it's all about B.B.C. Blend, Balance and Co-ordinate.
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Our Top Ten!
It's been a bit of tumble-weed week, with the sun shinning and the Easter holidays stretching on endlessly. Can you believe it's only another two terms till Summer slump time?
Between you and me, that is the time we play silly buggers. You know, flick rubber bands across the shop floor at each other with pinpoint accuracy. Stuff citrus fruits down our bra's to see exactly what a boob job would look like and have 'How many Skittles can you get in your mouth' Competitions. Actually that one ended quite badly when the phone rang and Miss White - face of an angel very large mouth - automatically answered the phone with three quarters of a packet in her mouth and breathed in.
Anyway, in between dusting the shelves. Cleaning the fragrance bottles, that are still being rammed up peoples noses and numerically ordering the lipsticks, we compiled our top ten customer comments.
10) 'These lipsticks, what do they do?
9) Of the Sold Out stickers we put on items - 'This eye shadow, Sold Out do you have any?'
8) ' Hi, I'm going away next week and I wondered, as I have a travel restriction on weight do you have any of those sample's things I could take with me?'- Didn't you say that last week?- 'Err no.'
7) 'Do you sell make up here?'
6) 'Do you know where I could find - the lifts-men-the stairs-the doors-anywhere that sells make up?
5) 'Do you sell eyelids?'
4) 'Do all those perfumes smell different?'
3)Does your hand cream come in a smaller size than that?' -No madam- ' No it's too big, it's for my friends handbag, she is dead.'
2) 'Where is your make up?' - Just there.- 'No that's no good!'- Why ? - 'I can't see it.' - But madam the display is six foot long- 'But I can't see it!' (And she was not blind.)
1) On the phone - 'Great your bronze's have arrived , now what colour do you recommend for me?' - ON THE PHONE!
All true and honest comments made to us by the Great British Public.
Between you and me, that is the time we play silly buggers. You know, flick rubber bands across the shop floor at each other with pinpoint accuracy. Stuff citrus fruits down our bra's to see exactly what a boob job would look like and have 'How many Skittles can you get in your mouth' Competitions. Actually that one ended quite badly when the phone rang and Miss White - face of an angel very large mouth - automatically answered the phone with three quarters of a packet in her mouth and breathed in.
Anyway, in between dusting the shelves. Cleaning the fragrance bottles, that are still being rammed up peoples noses and numerically ordering the lipsticks, we compiled our top ten customer comments.
10) 'These lipsticks, what do they do?
9) Of the Sold Out stickers we put on items - 'This eye shadow, Sold Out do you have any?'
8) ' Hi, I'm going away next week and I wondered, as I have a travel restriction on weight do you have any of those sample's things I could take with me?'- Didn't you say that last week?- 'Err no.'
7) 'Do you sell make up here?'
6) 'Do you know where I could find - the lifts-men-the stairs-the doors-anywhere that sells make up?
5) 'Do you sell eyelids?'
4) 'Do all those perfumes smell different?'
3)Does your hand cream come in a smaller size than that?' -No madam- ' No it's too big, it's for my friends handbag, she is dead.'
2) 'Where is your make up?' - Just there.- 'No that's no good!'- Why ? - 'I can't see it.' - But madam the display is six foot long- 'But I can't see it!' (And she was not blind.)
1) On the phone - 'Great your bronze's have arrived , now what colour do you recommend for me?' - ON THE PHONE!
All true and honest comments made to us by the Great British Public.
Friday, 9 April 2010
All change.
After a few days bonding with 'the Tiny hands', we have been down mines, had a pub lunch, watched films at the cinema and eaten far too much chocolate whilst discussing Jesus and planting flowers. My children are starting to get as bolshy as those kids on Outnumbered. I arrived back at work to discover that Our Glorious Leader is leaving the store.
Not 'She who must be obeyed' but he who runs the store. Sad for us because he's a jolly chap who has his head screwed on. That leaves us with the' Great Overseer'. Now not wishing to be cruel but when ever he sets foot on the shop floor quite a number of people hum the Darth Vader theme tune and a couple of the girls from another brand have named him Voldemort.
I predict that in the future this blog will involve a few internal rants.
It's not that he is awful, just very intense. My first encounter with him was not great, he strode up, invaded my personal space and asked, 'What's wrong with you lot then?'
For some reason he was not impressed when I put my finger to my temples and said,
'Sorry nothing is coming through , you'll have to give me a clue.'
Well, we will just have to wait and see who comes forward to lift the sword of Destiny at the 'Hall of Plenty' next.
Not 'She who must be obeyed' but he who runs the store. Sad for us because he's a jolly chap who has his head screwed on. That leaves us with the' Great Overseer'. Now not wishing to be cruel but when ever he sets foot on the shop floor quite a number of people hum the Darth Vader theme tune and a couple of the girls from another brand have named him Voldemort.
I predict that in the future this blog will involve a few internal rants.
It's not that he is awful, just very intense. My first encounter with him was not great, he strode up, invaded my personal space and asked, 'What's wrong with you lot then?'
For some reason he was not impressed when I put my finger to my temples and said,
'Sorry nothing is coming through , you'll have to give me a clue.'
Well, we will just have to wait and see who comes forward to lift the sword of Destiny at the 'Hall of Plenty' next.
Saturday, 3 April 2010
Good Friday?
There are days and then there are those days, yesterday for example.
Angry shouty woman at 10.30 am, bought fragrance and body lotion on Thur. Brought it back on Fri, because she had 'a reaction'. Couldn't show us the dreadful rash, stuck down the packaging with sellotape, insisted she hadn't used it and shouted a lot about us accusing her of lying.
So how do you get a reaction from something you haven't used?
12.20 pm Miss Marple answered the phone to a customer. This lady wanted to know the difference between the bottles of a particular fragrance in Edt and Edp. Only half way through the conversation did she say, 'I'm blind'. Then, 'it's the peach fragrance' and then said, 'I haven't seen the Edt bottle yet.' Even more bizarre was, 'well I don't have it with me.'
Miss Marple was not amused at having to state the obvious.
Now, we have a lot of disabled customers and we relish the opportunity to push ourselves when describing the smell, texture, colour or effects of our products. So please forgive us for sniffing out a bank holiday fake.
2pm and the Hall of Plenty's first aider was called to administer to a couple who had fallen over breaking a finger, losing their teeth and displacing a wig under the Spray Tester Stand.
About 4pm 'She who must be obeyed' nearly died when she handed a customer's husband a tissue. Busy using one of our cotton buds to clean out his ears, he smartly handed them back once he'd finished.
Nice!
Rounded off by the customer who's child wee'd all over the floor because she was too busy buying fake eyelashes to take him to the toilet, I was not surprised to find myself waiting for 'He who pays the Mortgage and the tiny hands' to pick me , stood next to a former Doctor Who.
Just one day in the world of cosmetics!
Angry shouty woman at 10.30 am, bought fragrance and body lotion on Thur. Brought it back on Fri, because she had 'a reaction'. Couldn't show us the dreadful rash, stuck down the packaging with sellotape, insisted she hadn't used it and shouted a lot about us accusing her of lying.
So how do you get a reaction from something you haven't used?
12.20 pm Miss Marple answered the phone to a customer. This lady wanted to know the difference between the bottles of a particular fragrance in Edt and Edp. Only half way through the conversation did she say, 'I'm blind'. Then, 'it's the peach fragrance' and then said, 'I haven't seen the Edt bottle yet.' Even more bizarre was, 'well I don't have it with me.'
Miss Marple was not amused at having to state the obvious.
Now, we have a lot of disabled customers and we relish the opportunity to push ourselves when describing the smell, texture, colour or effects of our products. So please forgive us for sniffing out a bank holiday fake.
2pm and the Hall of Plenty's first aider was called to administer to a couple who had fallen over breaking a finger, losing their teeth and displacing a wig under the Spray Tester Stand.
About 4pm 'She who must be obeyed' nearly died when she handed a customer's husband a tissue. Busy using one of our cotton buds to clean out his ears, he smartly handed them back once he'd finished.
Nice!
Rounded off by the customer who's child wee'd all over the floor because she was too busy buying fake eyelashes to take him to the toilet, I was not surprised to find myself waiting for 'He who pays the Mortgage and the tiny hands' to pick me , stood next to a former Doctor Who.
Just one day in the world of cosmetics!
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Sharing the Easter Love.
Easter is nearly here and the 'tiny hands ' are almost as excited as they were at Christmas. Half term has arrived, for the sake of my sanity and the safety of our hamster, I should have booked some holidays. Its hard to confess, but the sense of relief to drop them off at my parents and go into work was massive, it really does come to something when the Hall of Plenty is an ocean of tranquility compared to home.
And do you know, I'm not the only one, sometimes our counter has more in common with a therapist's. Having worked with some of my colleagues for a good while, we have noticed that there are times when a customer will confess their fears to us, share a story or confide in us when they probably wouldn't else where. There is a moment of trust when somebody strips you of your make up and reapplies what they feel you should wear. For us, that is a very precious thing.
Over the years I have had the privilege to meet some wonderful inspirational people, I say people, because they are not always women. Plenty of men purchase from us and they too share. Its easy in Cosmetics and Fragrance to only talk about the people who complain, return stuff or are just plain rude to us for no reason. But there is whole world of customers for whom we are a support system. A bit of good advice, a shoulder to cry on, we have even reviewed cv's and boosted confidence before big interviews.
So while I won't be painting eggs or making handmade chocolate lollies, that's what Mum has planned to wear them out, I won't be feeling guilty.
We may not be saving lives out there but at least we can share a bit of Easter love.
And do you know, I'm not the only one, sometimes our counter has more in common with a therapist's. Having worked with some of my colleagues for a good while, we have noticed that there are times when a customer will confess their fears to us, share a story or confide in us when they probably wouldn't else where. There is a moment of trust when somebody strips you of your make up and reapplies what they feel you should wear. For us, that is a very precious thing.
Over the years I have had the privilege to meet some wonderful inspirational people, I say people, because they are not always women. Plenty of men purchase from us and they too share. Its easy in Cosmetics and Fragrance to only talk about the people who complain, return stuff or are just plain rude to us for no reason. But there is whole world of customers for whom we are a support system. A bit of good advice, a shoulder to cry on, we have even reviewed cv's and boosted confidence before big interviews.
So while I won't be painting eggs or making handmade chocolate lollies, that's what Mum has planned to wear them out, I won't be feeling guilty.
We may not be saving lives out there but at least we can share a bit of Easter love.
Saturday, 27 March 2010
Spray Testing.
There is new meat in the Hall of Plenty.
The bright eager faces of the spray tester girls on the promotional stand, bring new life to the Spring Season, filling the hall with fragranced enthusiasm. Bless them, like lambs to the slaughter.
The shine had definitely worn off by tea time, in fact one of them had had a minor melt down and rushed off the shop floor in tears.
You have to be tough in this business and spray testing is the toughest gig of all. On display by a door in the freezing cold, or at the heart of a shop floor in front of expensive shiny surfaces, you can't be too pushy or too shy. It's a fine balance between offering someone a spray of fragrance to try and badgering the living daylights out of them.
Watching the 'New Meat' the girls and I were reminded of just how hard it is. You step forward, smile in place, bottle at the ready, opening statement on the tip of your tongue and you get the brush off. It could be the open handed, 'No!' Or the , 'I can't hear you' shuffle. That is when the customer hastily tries to get past slower shoppers without acknowledging you, forcing them to perform an erratic forward, stop, side step. Which is, more often than not, followed by shoving past some elderly woman in a fleecy.
It's not easy , so please spare them a smile even if you say 'No thanks.'
The bright eager faces of the spray tester girls on the promotional stand, bring new life to the Spring Season, filling the hall with fragranced enthusiasm. Bless them, like lambs to the slaughter.
The shine had definitely worn off by tea time, in fact one of them had had a minor melt down and rushed off the shop floor in tears.
You have to be tough in this business and spray testing is the toughest gig of all. On display by a door in the freezing cold, or at the heart of a shop floor in front of expensive shiny surfaces, you can't be too pushy or too shy. It's a fine balance between offering someone a spray of fragrance to try and badgering the living daylights out of them.
Watching the 'New Meat' the girls and I were reminded of just how hard it is. You step forward, smile in place, bottle at the ready, opening statement on the tip of your tongue and you get the brush off. It could be the open handed, 'No!' Or the , 'I can't hear you' shuffle. That is when the customer hastily tries to get past slower shoppers without acknowledging you, forcing them to perform an erratic forward, stop, side step. Which is, more often than not, followed by shoving past some elderly woman in a fleecy.
It's not easy , so please spare them a smile even if you say 'No thanks.'
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Why?
My burning feet and your one ridiculous question,
'What colour do you think I am?'
What does that even mean? I can see what colour you are. So you mean, what colour do I think you should wear.
The funny thing is that if I say brown, you won't like brown . If I say pink, believe me, pink won't be the colour for you because you think pink looks cheap. Red then, 'no dear I don't do red, too tarty.'
So why do you ask?
Is it some sort of bizarre quiz, or test? Do you go home and tell the family that they wouldn't believe what some girl at the beauty counter said,
'I'm autumnal, me winter colours, ridiculous!' And then you and your colour co-ordinated family laugh in a superior, contrasted and slightly charming way.
It's just make up
'What colour do you think I am?'
What does that even mean? I can see what colour you are. So you mean, what colour do I think you should wear.
The funny thing is that if I say brown, you won't like brown . If I say pink, believe me, pink won't be the colour for you because you think pink looks cheap. Red then, 'no dear I don't do red, too tarty.'
So why do you ask?
Is it some sort of bizarre quiz, or test? Do you go home and tell the family that they wouldn't believe what some girl at the beauty counter said,
'I'm autumnal, me winter colours, ridiculous!' And then you and your colour co-ordinated family laugh in a superior, contrasted and slightly charming way.
It's just make up
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Scandalous!
Scandal has rocked the Hall of Plenty. I wouldn't have thought it possible but we have not, seen and heard everything in the beauty business, not until today that is.
Our own counter's resident Miss Marple overheard the fuss but got the details over a sandwich and tea up in the canteen.
Security has always been strict, given the glories each floor can provide to them that have. It would seem that the Chaps have been hunting down a mystery thief who manages to pilfer no matter what, so imagine our surprise when one of the staff from another floor is caught red handed with stock. I say red handed......
Apparently and she swears it to be true, that the lady in question was caught with a bottle of fragrance, in her knickers.
Now I don't have much sympathy with the girl, but I would truly be mortified if I was ever searched, only to produce a bottle of scent from my Lady Garden.
'She who must be obeyed' needed more eyeliner and a lie down after that one. There is truly, 'nowt as queer as folk.'
Our own counter's resident Miss Marple overheard the fuss but got the details over a sandwich and tea up in the canteen.
Security has always been strict, given the glories each floor can provide to them that have. It would seem that the Chaps have been hunting down a mystery thief who manages to pilfer no matter what, so imagine our surprise when one of the staff from another floor is caught red handed with stock. I say red handed......
Apparently and she swears it to be true, that the lady in question was caught with a bottle of fragrance, in her knickers.
Now I don't have much sympathy with the girl, but I would truly be mortified if I was ever searched, only to produce a bottle of scent from my Lady Garden.
'She who must be obeyed' needed more eyeliner and a lie down after that one. There is truly, 'nowt as queer as folk.'
When vanity becomes insanity.
There has been little time to update the blog this week, in between the domestic drama's and Spring promotions at the Hall of Plenty, I was lucky to emerge from under the giant pile of washing generated by one very messy girl and two mud covered boys. (One of them pays the mortgage and should know better!)
Now, there are few things that can strike fear into the heart of a beauty consultant. The mention of Store Cards and the phrase, 'Stock Take' being two examples of things that definitely do leave us quaking in our court shoes, however usually we are pretty impervious to most things. (Those nylon outfits can repel almost any customer related overspill, fluid or otherwise.) Yet the customer that arrives fifteen minutes before closing at the end of a really busy day, wishing to try on lipstick's with no definite idea of what they are looking for, is every self - respecting tut' pushers nightmare.
When the well-veneered lady that arrived at the counter last night, first approached . I knew it was to good to be true. 'No!' she didn't need any help. Then she said,
'Well actually, could you tell me what lipsticks don't make your teeth look yellow.'
It's a little known fact that coral coloured lipsticks make discoloured teeth look yellow. Coral being a shade of orange and not, as one exasperated colleague told over six customers last week, pink. Okay, NOT PINK!
Anyway, as I sighed and any thoughts of getting out of work on time vanished, little did I know just how odd my evening would get.
She didn't agree, nor did she agree with the seven shades I tried on her. When I pointed out that absolutely nothing would make her teeth look yellow because,
'They are white veneers.'
She didn't agree with that either. Well, misses who ever you where, I think the giveaway was the luminous day glo white and the fact that you looked as if you mugged a racehorse on the way into the store. Thank you for making me late for my sons bedtime, thank you for making me sit in traffic going to some concert and thank you very much, for making me realise that sometimes vanity is only a couple of messed up letters away from insanity.
Now, there are few things that can strike fear into the heart of a beauty consultant. The mention of Store Cards and the phrase, 'Stock Take' being two examples of things that definitely do leave us quaking in our court shoes, however usually we are pretty impervious to most things. (Those nylon outfits can repel almost any customer related overspill, fluid or otherwise.) Yet the customer that arrives fifteen minutes before closing at the end of a really busy day, wishing to try on lipstick's with no definite idea of what they are looking for, is every self - respecting tut' pushers nightmare.
When the well-veneered lady that arrived at the counter last night, first approached . I knew it was to good to be true. 'No!' she didn't need any help. Then she said,
'Well actually, could you tell me what lipsticks don't make your teeth look yellow.'
It's a little known fact that coral coloured lipsticks make discoloured teeth look yellow. Coral being a shade of orange and not, as one exasperated colleague told over six customers last week, pink. Okay, NOT PINK!
Anyway, as I sighed and any thoughts of getting out of work on time vanished, little did I know just how odd my evening would get.
She didn't agree, nor did she agree with the seven shades I tried on her. When I pointed out that absolutely nothing would make her teeth look yellow because,
'They are white veneers.'
She didn't agree with that either. Well, misses who ever you where, I think the giveaway was the luminous day glo white and the fact that you looked as if you mugged a racehorse on the way into the store. Thank you for making me late for my sons bedtime, thank you for making me sit in traffic going to some concert and thank you very much, for making me realise that sometimes vanity is only a couple of messed up letters away from insanity.
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