Since the Scandal that rocked the Hall of Plenty, security have been almost demonic about, well, security.
So when one of them spotted some peculiar behaviour a couple of weeks ago, they began stalking people around our skincare.
Apparently there is a new scam in town. Walk up to a counter, refuse help by saying your just browsing and then scrape out the entire contents of a jar of moisturiser into your hand and walk away.
Like it is worth the hassle!
Anyway, yesterday after a lengthy sting operation that included several plain clothes security guards , who were putting customers off by lurking in an apparently 'casual manner.' There was nothing casual about it in our opinion. Mrs X arrives and is there a single security guard to be found? No!
So Miss Pankhurst takes matters into her own hands. Just as the entire contents of anti wrinkle cream is removed, Miss Pankhurst offers Mrs X a tissue.
I cannot truly describe everything that happened, but she decided to pursue the woman about the shop floor asking her loudly, if she would like to buy what she had in her hand. Offering to gift wrap it in the jar it came in and if she didn't then she could wipe her hands on these tissues.
It is a large Hall of Plenty and took quite awhile for Mrs X to get through it.
Miss Pankhurst was victorious. I don't think Mrs X will be coming back. We managed to get most of the cream out of Miss Pankhurst hair before she left and apparently there is some very good footage on the security cameras!
Friday 14 May 2010
Tuesday 11 May 2010
Take the mint!
The Overseer has finally appointed a new Guardian of the Shop Floor in the Hall of Plenty. With a grin like Gordon Brown he sailed through the counters introducing his new protegee. Poor thing, there is a sweep stake on how long it will take to get tears from her. I hope she holds out, I've got her at two months.
Meanwhile, we have been surprised again by just how revolting our customers can be.
Miss Pankhurst our politically aware consultant, was horrified to approach a customer browsing at the makeup only to be handed her false teeth in a plastic bag. The woman demanded Miss Pankhurst put them into her handbag for her because, she had been to the dentist and was too woozy to do it herself. How she managed to get across the main road into our store and what she was doing with a full set of teeth in her head already , nobody knows.
She Who Must be Obeyed declared it to be 'One of those days' and by lunch time she was right.
Countless people, despite the obvious 'none smell' of the actual bottle and the bloody obvious paper tester strips in front , are still stuffing the fragrance bottles up their noses.
Given the who -ha people make over hygiene, why do women still try on lipsticks straight from the counter? We might clean them, but if we offer you the opportunity to try it with a brush and a new one from out of the drawer, surely you would take it instead of saying 'no' then sticking it on anyway. You wouldn't go and lick a MRSA patients wounds, just because you can't see the last person who did that doesn't mean they did not have Herpes!
The lady who farted in a Carol Thatcher moment whilst discussing foundations with Miss Marple, need never come back either.
And take note , it is only polite to take the mint offered to you by the nice Make up lady, she has her reasons.
Meanwhile, we have been surprised again by just how revolting our customers can be.
Miss Pankhurst our politically aware consultant, was horrified to approach a customer browsing at the makeup only to be handed her false teeth in a plastic bag. The woman demanded Miss Pankhurst put them into her handbag for her because, she had been to the dentist and was too woozy to do it herself. How she managed to get across the main road into our store and what she was doing with a full set of teeth in her head already , nobody knows.
She Who Must be Obeyed declared it to be 'One of those days' and by lunch time she was right.
Countless people, despite the obvious 'none smell' of the actual bottle and the bloody obvious paper tester strips in front , are still stuffing the fragrance bottles up their noses.
Given the who -ha people make over hygiene, why do women still try on lipsticks straight from the counter? We might clean them, but if we offer you the opportunity to try it with a brush and a new one from out of the drawer, surely you would take it instead of saying 'no' then sticking it on anyway. You wouldn't go and lick a MRSA patients wounds, just because you can't see the last person who did that doesn't mean they did not have Herpes!
The lady who farted in a Carol Thatcher moment whilst discussing foundations with Miss Marple, need never come back either.
And take note , it is only polite to take the mint offered to you by the nice Make up lady, she has her reasons.
Monday 10 May 2010
Why don't I look like her?
Yesterday somebody asked me an interesting question,
Why don't I look like her?
She was speaking of the model on one of our adverts. Now I don't know why she didn't genetics, location, colouring all of these could have been a factor, but then a woman browsing amongst our lipsticks said,
'Look, even she doesn't look like that in real life.'
And it's true, non of them really look that way.
Fact, lots of publicity pictures are done on their back so everything hangs the right way.
Another fact, inner beauty, bollocks! The models are chosen for their look and their ability to be a good canvas to present an image, image not reality.
Fact, it takes at least four people and a good couple of hours to do that.
Super Fact, I have seen prettier women walking down the street everyday.
Super duper fact, just because you photograph well doesn't mean you are bright, happy, really that thin.
We should stop comparing and start putting make up in it's place. It is there to make you look the best you, you can be. And if that means tangerine with fake eye lashes, fine. If it means simply using skin care and never, ever using any of that crap that Satan's Nylon Devils shove at you, fine! Let's not treat it as a crime not to be perfect, because the fact is non of us are and it is okay. We can enhance what we have, deal with what we don't like or cover it up and not worry.
To groom or not to groom, that is the question. whether it is nobler to grow out the armpit hair, or take up the epilator against the tide of the natural beauty and by grooming end it. To wax , to dye, to tan no more.....
Miss Pankhurst pointed out, Egypt would look a lot different if the Pharaohs were spotty, air brushing is not a modern phenomenon nor is idealism.
Why don't I look like her?
She was speaking of the model on one of our adverts. Now I don't know why she didn't genetics, location, colouring all of these could have been a factor, but then a woman browsing amongst our lipsticks said,
'Look, even she doesn't look like that in real life.'
And it's true, non of them really look that way.
Fact, lots of publicity pictures are done on their back so everything hangs the right way.
Another fact, inner beauty, bollocks! The models are chosen for their look and their ability to be a good canvas to present an image, image not reality.
Fact, it takes at least four people and a good couple of hours to do that.
Super Fact, I have seen prettier women walking down the street everyday.
Super duper fact, just because you photograph well doesn't mean you are bright, happy, really that thin.
We should stop comparing and start putting make up in it's place. It is there to make you look the best you, you can be. And if that means tangerine with fake eye lashes, fine. If it means simply using skin care and never, ever using any of that crap that Satan's Nylon Devils shove at you, fine! Let's not treat it as a crime not to be perfect, because the fact is non of us are and it is okay. We can enhance what we have, deal with what we don't like or cover it up and not worry.
To groom or not to groom, that is the question. whether it is nobler to grow out the armpit hair, or take up the epilator against the tide of the natural beauty and by grooming end it. To wax , to dye, to tan no more.....
Miss Pankhurst pointed out, Egypt would look a lot different if the Pharaohs were spotty, air brushing is not a modern phenomenon nor is idealism.
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