Monday 3 January 2011

''No Returns, no need to buy.'' An Ode to the misguided customer.

No, no, no, you cannot bring that back,
You've used the thing, smashed the lid,
The cellophane's unwrapped.

Perhaps you misunderstand me,  I really cannot help,
With no receipt, you're knackered mate,
Stop shouting, it's a fact.

Now, here's the thing you're missing,
from our point of view,
manners, several brain cells and a jolly good slap or two.

It's not that we don't like you,
You have no proof of purchase.
So what's a girl to do ?

Don't be bloody ungrateful,
appreciate the gesture and,
So what if you have two?


It doesn't matter how much, Auntie Vera spent,
because I'll tell her next year,
just where her present went.

Back and forth across the till,
returned
and then refused.

You don't get off that lightly, being quite so vain.
You can't live without that mascara?
Madam, you know nothing real of pain !

Now bugger off, don't waste my time,
There's targets to be made.
Retail involves selling, not a service, it's a trade!