Well , well,wellll.... there is a new creature in town.
The Prom Queen.
And now , like the Lamb Chops (see posting in archive 02/06/10),they have their own season in our retail calendar. Just after Mother's day and before the Mutton emerges on the shop floor.
Blinky, orange, teenage girls with blobby backcombed hair and very odd mascara.How do we know when they are around? Because they arrive in a squawky flock,twiddling their split ends and enquiring about make overs.
Poor old Mrs. Pankhurst driven to distraction by the question,
Giggle - twiddle - blink. 'Do you do make ups?' Twiddle-blink - blink.
When she explains there is redeemable booking fee of £25, it is almost universally received like so,
Blink-twiddle- blink-consult rest of flock- blink,'It's for a prom...'Blink - blink.
'Okay, when would you like to book it?'
Blink - blink,'On the day of the prom...' Twiddle - blink.
'Right and when would you like to pay your deposit?'
Blink - blink, 'It's for a prom...' Long stare.
'Yes, but it is still twenty five pounds.'
Twiddle - blink - blink - gather strength from flock who are now twiddling with extreme blinkiness. 'Never mind...' Angry ballet pumps stamp away like ponies with hessian sacks on their feet.
It may seem trivial but around the seventh time in one afternoon, you kind of get miffed.And so we started to ask whether other retailers get this type of thing. Do people go into a hairdressers with wet hair and ask for a free blow dry? Do they go into a cake shop and take a big bite out of a cake and decided later whether they should pay or not? Would they go into a restaurant and order food then refuse to pay because they only eat a starter?
No they wouldn't. So what makes them think that the services of a qualified make up artist are free? Bloody television retail advisors that's who... Damn you Mary Portas! You and the Twiddle Blinks!!!!
Friday, 8 April 2011
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
White Lines.....
No, I don't mean Colombian marching powder.
Poor Miss White reached snapping point recently. I have mentioned before that we have a customer (stalker?) who never buys anything yet comes into the Hall of Plenty and sprays herself to saturation point with our fragrances on a regular basis. Yes, she is the woman who sprays her elbows, recently she moved on to armpits, cleavage, under the plasticated mac and the back of the neck. She never acknowledges us, even though we have tried, 'Hello'.
She Who Must Be Obeyed has tried, ' I think you have plenty on there.'
I have tried, 'You know you can buy it'
Miss Marple has tried, 'Don't you think that is a touch excessive?'
All we have ever received was a grunt and a small pool on the floor where the fragrance has dripped down.
It has always annoyed Miss White who, like the rest of us, gets miffed by the blatant nature of the woman. So, on a day when a shifty vagabond cornered her, coughed into his hand then proceeded to maul the fragrance bar, a haughty piece called to complain about something irrelevant and then there was further confusion about our returns policy (NO RECIEPT NO RETURN OKAY!!!!) it was not surprising that Miss White should explode. Confronting Hairy Elbow Sprayer at the fragrances she said,
'No, no , no, you have used enough of that....please put it down.'
Hairy Elbow Sprayer simply carried on.
'I said that is enough now put it down.'
'I'm only trying it, ' was the reply. But she carried on spraying.
'Well, you have tried it now put it down.'
Turning away Hairy Elbow Sprayer carried on.
'Right that is it, hand me the bottle,' Miss White held out her hand over the counter.
Hairy Elbow Sprayer refused, an ever increasing fragrance stain spread over her grubby T-shirt.
'I said hand me that bottle!'
By now we were amused but slightly worried, Miss White is not one for confrontation on a grand scale and Hairy Elbow Sprayer is very large in comparison. So when Miss White rushed around the counter with a cry of,
'Right! That is it! You have crossed the line....'
We took cover behind the lipsticks, obviously with a supervisory eye on our colleague should it get ugly.
'Give that to me,' Miss White demanded.
'MMmno,' Hairy Elbow Sprayer tried to absorb the bottle.
Miss White grabbed the bottle but got stuck in a pulling match. I should at this point explain Hairy Elbow Sprayer is a woman of about twenty stone, who sports socks with sandals and probably has some needs that require special attention. Miss White on the other hand is a delicate slip of a thing. After much to'ing and fro'ing Miss White emerged victorious, with a cry of,
'Don't come back!' she returned the almost empty tester to the counter. At this point we sent her for a coffee.
Tougher than she looks that one.
Poor Miss White reached snapping point recently. I have mentioned before that we have a customer (stalker?) who never buys anything yet comes into the Hall of Plenty and sprays herself to saturation point with our fragrances on a regular basis. Yes, she is the woman who sprays her elbows, recently she moved on to armpits, cleavage, under the plasticated mac and the back of the neck. She never acknowledges us, even though we have tried, 'Hello'.
She Who Must Be Obeyed has tried, ' I think you have plenty on there.'
I have tried, 'You know you can buy it'
Miss Marple has tried, 'Don't you think that is a touch excessive?'
All we have ever received was a grunt and a small pool on the floor where the fragrance has dripped down.
It has always annoyed Miss White who, like the rest of us, gets miffed by the blatant nature of the woman. So, on a day when a shifty vagabond cornered her, coughed into his hand then proceeded to maul the fragrance bar, a haughty piece called to complain about something irrelevant and then there was further confusion about our returns policy (NO RECIEPT NO RETURN OKAY!!!!) it was not surprising that Miss White should explode. Confronting Hairy Elbow Sprayer at the fragrances she said,
'No, no , no, you have used enough of that....please put it down.'
Hairy Elbow Sprayer simply carried on.
'I said that is enough now put it down.'
'I'm only trying it, ' was the reply. But she carried on spraying.
'Well, you have tried it now put it down.'
Turning away Hairy Elbow Sprayer carried on.
'Right that is it, hand me the bottle,' Miss White held out her hand over the counter.
Hairy Elbow Sprayer refused, an ever increasing fragrance stain spread over her grubby T-shirt.
'I said hand me that bottle!'
By now we were amused but slightly worried, Miss White is not one for confrontation on a grand scale and Hairy Elbow Sprayer is very large in comparison. So when Miss White rushed around the counter with a cry of,
'Right! That is it! You have crossed the line....'
We took cover behind the lipsticks, obviously with a supervisory eye on our colleague should it get ugly.
'Give that to me,' Miss White demanded.
'MMmno,' Hairy Elbow Sprayer tried to absorb the bottle.
Miss White grabbed the bottle but got stuck in a pulling match. I should at this point explain Hairy Elbow Sprayer is a woman of about twenty stone, who sports socks with sandals and probably has some needs that require special attention. Miss White on the other hand is a delicate slip of a thing. After much to'ing and fro'ing Miss White emerged victorious, with a cry of,
'Don't come back!' she returned the almost empty tester to the counter. At this point we sent her for a coffee.
Tougher than she looks that one.
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