As it is summer and the punters become a bit thin on the ground during the summer break, it is time for us to explore the wilds of the Hall of Plenty. Like the great plains of Africa, there are strange and colourful beasts that populate the many corners of our own savannah.
In the centre of the floor, the designer water holes filled by the preening cranes. Immaculately turned out in plumage, specifically set down in the grooming guidelines, ( In fact if those things get any stricter non coordinating underwear will be a sack-able offence.) wafting the air with gentle squirts of exotic fragrance and tantalising the tourists with exquisite eye makeup.
To the North, lie the steamy rain forests of the independent make up brand. Tribal music booms across the counter as these spectacular individuals show off their tans and tattoos with scantily clad gusto, saving their piercings and modesty under opaque tights.
West of the water holes, lie an organic region whose demure consultants are as easily seen as a bush baby on a dark night. Often shifting with the sped of a sloth when confronted with a customer complaint.
Too the south, we find the shifting marsh lands whose inhabitants lie in wait ready to snap.Eyes peeping just below the surface of the water, these predators wait with great patience until the herds of roaming shoppers pass, reaching greedily out of the water, they swallow them whole opening account cards as they go.
Across the floor, prides of skincare lionesses mingle freely with the other big cats, bringing down shoppers swiftly whenever they see the sick or old straggling along at the back of the pack.
And on the odd occaision, the Overseer will bring a truck full of management tourist on a sight seeing jaunt across the floor. Gaily they snap away , very pleased with themselves and the wildlife, never noticing the eyes that are sizing them up. We could eat them whole, including their company cars, given half a chance.
Quick call David Attenborough!
