Why exactly, are customers so arse-achingly stupid?
From - 'Do you work here?'
'Yes madam I work here, I don't usually stand around in a uniform with a company logo on it , wearing a badge that states my name quite clearly next to my company's badge, under a great big sign with the companies logo on it, unless I am working. Otherwise I would dress like a clown just to make sure nobody could mistake me for a shop worker and shop for over sized shoes in peace.'
To -' Where are your lipsticks?'
'Right there on the great big black makeup stand that is approximately six foot long and full of makeup that you just walked past. And whilst we are on the subject of things you are unaware of, you just butted in whilst I am serving another customer and you are standing behind the counter.'
I cannot understand how people who are intelligent enough to earn money to spend, get themselves dressed in the morning, drive, feed themselves and move with relative coordination of limbs, can be so thick. And they really are!
'Where are the lifts?'
'Right there, under the sign that say's lifts with the big slide'y doors.'
'Where are the doors?
'Over there, the big silver swing'y things other people are using to enter and exit the building.'
'Do you sell cards?'
'No, I sell makeup, that is why I look like a drag queen in an ill fitting uniform.'
'Are all these fragrances different?'
'What do you think? They all have different names and they are all different colours. Could it be possible that we would just put the same smell in all of them?'
'What do these lipsticks do?'
'Well, mine do the dish washing and sometimes they hoover up, but mostly they work as a lap dancer because they don't have any qualifications and they got pregnant at 14, so whilst they study to be a nurse they strip. What do you think they do?'
'Do you think I will like the coffee shop?'
'What! How the fuck would I know? Do I look psychic? Is the name Sally Morgan written on my badge?'
'Which one of these lipsticks would suit my friend?'
'What friend, oh, she is not here. Well, considering I can not see her and the only person in this conversation that knows what she looks like is you, why don't you tell me what you think your friend would like and I will just stand here and keep patronising you.'
We have decided that should one of us win the lottery, we would come into work and just say all of those things until we got fired then divide up the money.
