Ten little things.....

1) If somebody is telling you about a product you asked about, do not speak everytime they say something.
'This foundat....
'Yes, ahhmmm'
'ion has...'
'yes has ahmmm,'
' a matt...'
'I like a shinny..'
'OkayI'amstillspeakingwhydon'tyouwaittill.....'
'Foundation but not too heavy,'
'I'
'Yes ahmmm.'
'Have'
'What do think my colour is?'
'Finished.'

2) We have said it before, but obviously not loudly enough. DON'T sniff fragrance bottle tops! They are a vacum and all you can smell is what was sprayed before. But the person before you who stuck it up their nose may have.....ANYTHING... that can be passed from nasal membrane to nasal membrane. And for the man who said , 'Well it's  alcohol.' NO stupid, the alcohol is on the inside of the bottle, the nose rotting disease is now on the outside.

3) We do not care if your friend is bed-ridden and can't get to us. We don't just give samples away.

4) How can we put make -up on your face if you won't lift up your chin? When Miss Marple has to squat to put make up on your face, you have some serious confidence issues.

5) When a company stops doing a product don't wait two years and then come to a counter and ask staff if they have some old stock. All cosmetic's have a sell by date, but a punch in the face when you winge about the product not being made anymore - that image does not have a sell by date, that is fresh everday!

6) Saying 'Sorry to interupt' when staff are standing about waiting for you does not make us feel guilty, as if we are standing gossiping, it makes you look needy. Man Up Shoppers.

7) When you have bought a product and then use it. You cannot get your money back if it is not in saleable condition. Yes, you could come back and say you have a reaction but you cannot just bring it back all messed up for no reason. We will stand and stare back at your angry little face and the more angry you get, the more reasonable we get. Because even though you threaten to write an angry letter about bad service, we don't care. NO, we really don't, because we are following store policy and you are a tosser.

8) Shops are not nursery or school playgrounds so when your  rampant toddler runs straight into a sharp corner, Tough! Since when did we start a creche? Get a grip of your children or even better, leave them at home.

9) We don't like it when your teenagers stick their fingers in products and smear them all over the counter. Why, because somebody has to clean it up and clearly you are a crap parent because you don't make them aware of that. So good luck when they stick you in a home with specific instructions to hold that pillow down till you stop kicking. You made your own bed....

10) We are not servant's. I know it is tricky, and that many people have weak wrists from all that shopping, but you can put your own credit card into the chip and pin machine. Waving it at me or shoving it across the counter, with a talon like claw in crimson, is no good, why? Because the machine is on your side of the till. You are looking round it to brandish your plastic at me, and, nobody cares when you do the ,
'Oh I am so ditsy...., ' routine, getting out two different note books, dropping them, putting your number in the machine wrong so many times , we have to start again. We despise you, all of us, everyone in the queue, the customers, consultants, cleaners , security staff. It is only four numbers, learn it.

A gift.....from a Scatology Major.

Over at the Hall of Plenty we now feel that we have heard it all, not just on our counter but the other purveryors of face altering goodies too. At a meeting to improve our customer service skills we did what all good cosmetics consultants do, exchange information.
(DON'T even think we were gossiping whilst a pasty trainee manager donned a hat and sparkly waistcoat in an attempt to get us 'on board' with positive, customer friendly body language. See the Portas factor is simply making good people humilate themselves, whilst we look on in a manner that can only be described as jaded.)

Apparently, and it did NOT happen in our store, somebody opened a new treatment room in a store and a disgruntled employee left them a special present when they had leave to make way for a new beautician...... Keep thinking......., yes. Only they hid it and it wasn't immediately found.

Now  I have seen and heard a few things; the image of a dwarf with a hoover attached to his knob was probably the worst image burnt into my memory, but to actually be that pissed off that you would drop your pants, curl one up, tuck it in a tissue and hide it in a crevice that is just WRONG!

And not very customer friendly.