Oh my, did I have to laugh this morning.
Along with the snappy shoppers that frequent the early days of December, there is also the beginning of Car parking Hell. This is when people who don't get out much decide to bring enormous saloon cars to the Hall of Plenty and arse around in the car park, causing any consultants that have not added a extra 45 minutes to their day to be late.
Apparently the corner space on the first level, which anybody with a car larger than a match box avoids, is just crying out for someone in a saloon Crappola to fanny about with until a queue forms and nobody can get through the barrier. The horns start tooting, the Crappola driver gets all pink and sweaty, then the wife starts nagging until they give up and shoot off, only to bump a 4x4 badly parked at the top of the next ramp.
Do they go straight to the top of the building ? No, they keep messing with spaces till someone bullies them to tears and they park badly in a Disabled bay.
Well, today in anticipation of the nightmare that is the car park, I set off early and got quite a show from a business woman in her sporty 'Smug Mobile' (Audi) and a Silver Fox in his giant 'Cock Cart' (some sort of gigantic BMW thingy) The Cock Cart was so massive it took a three point turn to get it up the ramps. With a very angry business woman hot on his heels in her natty Smug Mobile, he started to get a bit flustered by the fourth floor with no sign of a bay large enough to receive his mighty vehicle. Positively leaping up and down in her car, the woman wound down her window and started hurling abuse. I just had to listen, so off went the radio in time to catch,
'.....ucking arse wipe , shift that shit car now you tosser. I bet you have a tiny cock!!!'
I don't know if the Silver Fox was aware but he scraped his car up the next ramp and almost threw it a 45 degree angle into a Disabled space. She drove up behind him and waited till he got out before she screamed,
'You complete dick, if you can't drive it you shouldn't fucking own it....'
Still laughing!
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