Happy Christmas.........

After Mole's brush with karma, one has decided to post only that which we can learn from in a positive way, or that which is charmingly amusing.

So to round off 2013 and to set us up for 2014, here is a lovely little tale from the Institution during the Christmas rush.

Our favourite temp was working among the masses on the fragrance wall when this happened to him,

'Er mate can you help me?'

'Yes sir,what is you need?'

'I'm looking for a fragrance for me girlfriend.'

'Okay, what does she normally wear?'

'Well, when she goes to work, black pants and like a top....'

'Oh ...'

'You know but something else when she goes out..'

'No...I meant what fragrance.'

Sweet!

Hoisted................

'Yeah, so  I write this blog..........it's about how stupid customers can be.......not all of them obviously, just the really bad ones.....like rude and daft.......'

Just part of a conversation I had moments before I became probably the most foolish customer, in what I can honestly say, was the most cringe worthy situation anyone has ever or will ever encounter.
Now, I know some of you have left babies in pubs, farted at inopportune moments, got crossed wires or fallen off the bath naked. But, I bet you have never got your foof waxed then forgotten your purse in a busy city center salon.

'Where is my purse, tell me I haven't forgotten my purse!!!!!!!!!'

Of course I had.

I then had to stand stupidly in front of the salon owner and receptionist whilst we decided what we were to do, all the while ALL of us were aware, I had just had somebody phootal round my nether regions with hot wax. Hats off to them for trusting me to make sure I paid, because god knows what would have happened if they hadn't.
 I don't believe you can just stick it all back where it came from, can you?
What is the no-returns policy on that?

So you see Karma actually in action, you moan about the customer , you become that customer.

Many thanks for the trust and professionalism.

Hoisted on my own petard!

Enter The Mole......

So!!!!!!!!!!
It's been awhile.
 After tracking down 'She Who Must Be Obeyed', to what can only be described as an 'Institution' and I don't mean like, the Queen or Tom Jones or even, Mr Kipling, I'm talking ,'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' here. I thoroughly ingratiated myself, bypassing ones personal catastrophe by simply choosing never to serve 'Cottage Pie ' in my house, into full time work. And after a long silence, I have collected enough data to savagely continue in the manner of which this blog was first conceived.........

I.E. You the customer are wrong. Yes, you are.... and in so many more ways than you were in 'The Hall of Plenty.
So here ,once again  com'eth the stories of woe, the gobsmackingly stupid and the 'you have got to be fucking joking!'
And as a foretaste of this rich vein of dynamic customer behavior from the consultant point of view, enjoy this,
POINTS ;
various meanings from science  to sport , what it doesn't mean is dither around, whilst other people are waiting to use the badly located till, looking in your purse for your points boosters , your extra points , your points card oh , oh , oh and that crumpled receipt you shoved in your pocket and washed but still need validating. No it doesn't, because if you have managed to save nearly two hundred pounds worth of the damn things you will be familiar with the routine. You pay at the end of the transaction. Like Christmas it never moves, it's not a surprise if you say you want to buy something that we then ask you for money and your points card, so why !?! WHY!!!!???!!!! WHHHYYY is every other points related episode punctuated by ' Oh where is it? Where have I put it? Where are my vouchers....?' Does it come as a shock to some people that in the morning their feet are where they were when they went to sleep still on the end of their legs? Because that is the level of drama at my till every day 'Oh, (laugh ,laugh,laugh) there they are, sorry...'

                                    'Get your points card out now before I put this in a bag!'

The Tale of the Wonky-eyed Woman.

Well, hello and how have you been? Mole hasn't blogged in quite some time, due to a sea change. We will gloss over that and break out with a quick event that occurred today.

On serving a very pretty girl with some fragrance I happened to notice that her eyes did not have much simpatico, to those of us that don't speak Euro - bollocks that means they crossed somewhat in the middle. Not wanting to stare, I wrapped her purchase and handed it back with a 'Thank You Very Much ' and a quick glance at the centre of her nose then slightly down to her chest -ish with a sideways crab like motion and a smile.

Half an hour later the Customer Services representative popped over with a complaint. Apparently some pretty lady had complained that I was aloof and had no eye contact. 'Well', I responded, 'She is right, but I was trying to be polite because she was cross-eyed.'
'Was she?' came the reply.
'Very, didn't you notice?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'I never looked at her.'

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